Have you ever listened to music and then suddenly gotten into a line of songs that drove your mood either up or down and then continued to choose songs that further pushed that mood deeper either way? Well, that’s what I’m doing right now, driving my mood in one direction and further in that direction.
Sometimes when I get depressed I’ll listen to music to drive myself further into a depressed state, instead of doing the logical and listening to mood lifting tunes. When I’m lifting I’ll listen to songs that drive me to push harder or that drown out those voices that want me to quit. When I’m running I’ll listen to music with lyrics that distract my mind from my screaming legs, songs that take more mental horsepower to comprehend. I want to push my limits until I break, whether mentally or physically.
This may sound a little odd, but I use to create playlists and use the date as the title. That way I could go back and see how I was feeling on that date. When reviewed that playlist I could feel those feelings again and know how I was feeling at the time. It’s like creating a lyrical time capsule for me to open a year later and delve back into my own head. Unfortunately I gave my old Ipod away and lost most of my playlists from the year before.
At the moment I’m kind of at a loss for what I’m thinking. I’m sitting in the corner of our maintenance/MWR conex listening to an interesting mix. I started with some Ingrid Michaelson, then moved on to some Seether, followed by Kings of Leon, then back to the Kings, which I’d like to see in concert when I get home. Now I’m listening to Ludacris…
I think what I’ve taken away from my music choices while I’ve been here is that they aren’t very much different from my music choices back home. I have my down days, like I always have, I’ve had my up days, like I always have and I’ve had my status quo days. Other than a different location, different situation and different people, life goes on like it always does.
It might be a stretch, but I also believe musical selection reflects a person’s ability to deal with various situations. It’s just a matter of determining how you feel when you prefer one song to another. I’m willing to wager that if you ride with me somewhere when I get home that there will be a lot of up beat music playing.
Monday, September 21, 2009
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
57 Days
According to my little deployment counter I have 57 days left here before I’m sipping an umbrella drink on the top floor of my hotel in Dubai waiting for my business class flight back to the US to be greeted by the open arms of all my friends. It doesn’t seem like I’ve been here for 133 days already… Well unless I really think about it.
57 days… Can you believe it? It feels like it’s just around the corner. I’ve come a long way since that first day, stepping off of the C-130 on a strange airstrip in the middle of the desert. I’ve met a lot of cool people, who sometimes like to remind me that they have fewer days left than I do.
It’s been quite an adventure getting to where I am now. I remember that first day… Bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, I was a naïve operator, fresh out of school and ready to make my big break into the UAV world. I was so eager to get started that I didn’t even want to sleep, despite the fact that I should have been more jet lagged than I’ve ever been in my whole life.
Of course after a couple weeks I kicked on the cruise control as my interest level decreased and my frustration level grew. Not long after coming into country, I was sent to set up a spoke as part of a three man team, which brought a whole new set of challenges.
Covered in hydraulic fluid, I stepped off of a CH-53 on a strange helo-pad somewhere even further into the middle of the desert. Even more lost than before and even more sleep deprived. After spending a week setting up the spoke and living in sub-livable conditions we were asked to stay an additional 2 weeks before heading back to the hub. It was my first real taste of hell on earth.
It was hot in the days, unbearably hot by my standards, and the nights weren’t much better. We didn’t have air conditioning for the first week we were here, which made sleeping difficult. Plus the camel spiders found their way into our tents on a nightly basis. After the first week, the marines installed the a/c units, which made it bitterly cold in the tent but I wasn’t complaining. I was rotated out of that site after 3 weeks because I was closing in on my R&R date.
As you can imagine, after spending a week at home I had no desire whatsoever to return to the life I had chosen for myself. It was like giving a child candy and then taking it back after they got one lick. Since I don’t give up I reluctantly returned to the desert to serve the last 4 months of my deployment.
I spent about a month back at the hub before being asked to lead a new hub being set up at the site I had set the spoke up at. Most of the set up work was completed by a team of guys who came down to do the site survey/construction. I took the opportunity because I’d never pass up a chance to shine. And this is where you find me today, in the middle of the desert at a site of my own design and crewed by operators of my choosing. Life is good.
57 days… Can you believe it? It feels like it’s just around the corner. I’ve come a long way since that first day, stepping off of the C-130 on a strange airstrip in the middle of the desert. I’ve met a lot of cool people, who sometimes like to remind me that they have fewer days left than I do.
It’s been quite an adventure getting to where I am now. I remember that first day… Bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, I was a naïve operator, fresh out of school and ready to make my big break into the UAV world. I was so eager to get started that I didn’t even want to sleep, despite the fact that I should have been more jet lagged than I’ve ever been in my whole life.
Of course after a couple weeks I kicked on the cruise control as my interest level decreased and my frustration level grew. Not long after coming into country, I was sent to set up a spoke as part of a three man team, which brought a whole new set of challenges.
Covered in hydraulic fluid, I stepped off of a CH-53 on a strange helo-pad somewhere even further into the middle of the desert. Even more lost than before and even more sleep deprived. After spending a week setting up the spoke and living in sub-livable conditions we were asked to stay an additional 2 weeks before heading back to the hub. It was my first real taste of hell on earth.
It was hot in the days, unbearably hot by my standards, and the nights weren’t much better. We didn’t have air conditioning for the first week we were here, which made sleeping difficult. Plus the camel spiders found their way into our tents on a nightly basis. After the first week, the marines installed the a/c units, which made it bitterly cold in the tent but I wasn’t complaining. I was rotated out of that site after 3 weeks because I was closing in on my R&R date.
As you can imagine, after spending a week at home I had no desire whatsoever to return to the life I had chosen for myself. It was like giving a child candy and then taking it back after they got one lick. Since I don’t give up I reluctantly returned to the desert to serve the last 4 months of my deployment.
I spent about a month back at the hub before being asked to lead a new hub being set up at the site I had set the spoke up at. Most of the set up work was completed by a team of guys who came down to do the site survey/construction. I took the opportunity because I’d never pass up a chance to shine. And this is where you find me today, in the middle of the desert at a site of my own design and crewed by operators of my choosing. Life is good.
Monday, September 7, 2009
The Life of a Site Lead
Is rather mundane… My main priority throughout the day is to send situation reports every morning to our theatre lead. It’s actually a very easy task, which one of my counterparts found a way to spend an entire day working on. It takes me about 5 minutes to clean my SITREP up and send it off since I spend the day adding and deleting changes.
Of course being a lead I get to deal with the people too. It’s a lot of fun right now because we have such a good group of guys but I can only imagine how it could be if I didn’t. I really have no power to tell these guys to get off my site if they aren’t making the cut. I can ask the theatre lead to bring them back to our mother hub but that doesn’t satisfy me. Some of the ones I’ve encountered shouldn’t be in this line of work.
Right now I’m sitting on our preflight pad. The weather has started to change, but the days still get hot. Our night crew complained to me about how the A/C unit in our tent wasn’t working and how it was 130 degrees while they were trying to sleep. I wish I could help them more but since I have no vehicle to drive over to talk to anyone, my hands are for the most part tied.
I never noticed it before but communications is a huge issue, particularly at my site. It can be rough here at first but when you get use to it, it isn’t so bad. There is a mile walk to work every morning through the desert. The sand, which is more like fine powder, can be shin deep in some places. But the worst part of the day continues to be the boredom. Trying to find any little bit of busy work to make the day go by faster.
After work and our evening turn over I go to the gym with one of our intel analysts. We jog about a mile to get to the gym and run on the treadmills and then jog back. She’s really cool and it gives me something to look forward to after spending the day at work. Sometimes I wonder why people join the military, not because it’s bad but just because some people don’t seem to like it, and she seems like one of those.
Along those lines, I’m wondering myself whether I want to do another deployment. I’ve really become accustomed to working with this group of marines and my next deployment probably won’t be with them. Although, I’ve often allowed fate to direct me through life and I just focus on following the path, so that’s what I’ll continue to do. I’ll keep my eyes open for opportunity and if it doesn’t come then I’ll continue doing this. I just hope my performance here as site lead will not go unnoticed.
Of course being a lead I get to deal with the people too. It’s a lot of fun right now because we have such a good group of guys but I can only imagine how it could be if I didn’t. I really have no power to tell these guys to get off my site if they aren’t making the cut. I can ask the theatre lead to bring them back to our mother hub but that doesn’t satisfy me. Some of the ones I’ve encountered shouldn’t be in this line of work.
Right now I’m sitting on our preflight pad. The weather has started to change, but the days still get hot. Our night crew complained to me about how the A/C unit in our tent wasn’t working and how it was 130 degrees while they were trying to sleep. I wish I could help them more but since I have no vehicle to drive over to talk to anyone, my hands are for the most part tied.
I never noticed it before but communications is a huge issue, particularly at my site. It can be rough here at first but when you get use to it, it isn’t so bad. There is a mile walk to work every morning through the desert. The sand, which is more like fine powder, can be shin deep in some places. But the worst part of the day continues to be the boredom. Trying to find any little bit of busy work to make the day go by faster.
After work and our evening turn over I go to the gym with one of our intel analysts. We jog about a mile to get to the gym and run on the treadmills and then jog back. She’s really cool and it gives me something to look forward to after spending the day at work. Sometimes I wonder why people join the military, not because it’s bad but just because some people don’t seem to like it, and she seems like one of those.
Along those lines, I’m wondering myself whether I want to do another deployment. I’ve really become accustomed to working with this group of marines and my next deployment probably won’t be with them. Although, I’ve often allowed fate to direct me through life and I just focus on following the path, so that’s what I’ll continue to do. I’ll keep my eyes open for opportunity and if it doesn’t come then I’ll continue doing this. I just hope my performance here as site lead will not go unnoticed.
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