Sacrifices

You don’t ever really realize how much you’re missing in life until you start paying attention. You start looking at pictures or reading messages and things start to come into focus. A lot of time I operate out here with the assumption that the rest of the world has stopped. But it hasn’t and we’re all missing out on a lot of things back home.

I was looking at some pictures that my friends have posted and I got a little sad. All the activities that I could be part of, all the changes that are occurring in other peoples’ lives that I’m missing out on, all to be out here.

I have one friend who just had a baby and is preparing to move away from Saint Louis. She was like my workplace sibling. I was there for some of her pregnancy and was one of the first in the office to learn about it. I missed out on my nephew’s first birthday and probably his first few words. I saw him briefly while I was on leave, but only enough for him to remember who I am. I’m sure next time he will have forgotten again.

I nearly missed out on a best friend’s wedding. I made sure that every site lead or manager that I spoke to knew that I was leaving that weekend and to not try and stop me. There are a lot of things that I’ve almost missed or am currently missing. To keep things in perspective though, my situation isn’t near as bad as some.

There are guys out here that are missing the birth of their own children. Others who are missing their own children’s first birthdays, first words or first steps. All the people out here fighting the war are going through tough times. For some, under other circumstances, would potentially be starting their freshman year in college, are instead missing out on their civilian lives. What’s worse is most of them are going through some type of relationship problem. I’m fortunate not to have to deal with that, but it’s hard to talk with them about what they are going through.

It’s all relative, but it’s always difficult. Whether it’s my nephew or someone’s own son or daughter, or it’s hanging out with my friends or someone else hanging out with their friends, it’s difficult for all involved. You see life play out through email, the news, pictures or if you’re lucky a webcam. I guess the truth is that life continues, it’s us out here that are frozen.