Another Cold Morning

The temperatures have dropped substantially in the past few weeks. The mornings are particularly frigid. The sprint from our tent to the showers has become like an Olympic event with the threat of hypothermia looming like grim death. I’m no longer greeted by the sun after my 5:30 wake up call. My focus went from getting back to the tent in time so as not to miss chow to getting back to the tent in time to so as to not shiver all my calories away. This morning the focus was different. I started to consider the things I’ve learned since being out here and the changes I’ve made to myself and hoped that those changes wouldn’t fade when I got home.

It had become readily apparent to me that in the years after college I had changed. I’d lost a lot of my social abilities, what little I had I mean. Nonetheless, I became a person who’d rather sit at home while life went on outside. Before, I was out there, meeting and greeting, making new friends on a regular basis. Then I got a 9 to 5, I became complacent with the group of friends I had and gave up on meeting new people. I recall once saying “I don’t care what they think, I have enough friends.” That wasn’t something I would say before.

I attributed this change to maturing, to becoming an adult. But that was more or less a cover for what was actually happening. I was afraid that the social flexibility I once had was gone, slowly fading away with every hour I spent sitting at home alone or sitting at work silently prodding away at a document or computer system. The monotony of the “real world” was eating away at my soul and devouring who I was. That does sound a bit dramatic doesn’t? It really isn’t that bad but that was the climax of the story and now comes the grand conclusion.

Being out here has been a catalyst for recognizing my devolution and subsequently the deconstruction and rebuilding of my self. I feel like I’ve regained my flexibility and desire to meet new people. The fire inside me that burned like a furnace as been rekindled and is burning again. Now lets see if I can keep the coals hot.