I guess my last post was a bit misleading. I didn’t mean to come off as saying that there was a lot that I believe I should change about myself, especially that there is anything wrong with me. By reading it again I can see why people might draw this conclusion but this is far from the truth. I don’t think there is anything wrong with me, but I do believe there’s always room for improvement.
Continuous improvement is the best way to make one self better over the years and not become stagnant. I always find elements of others that I think are good traits and try to incorporate them into my own life, and if I notice something someone else does that bothers me, as well as others, and I see myself exhibiting that same behavior I try to eliminate it from my daily operations.
It goes along the line of my belief in personal capital. It’s sort of like money capital, but less tangible and it can’t really buy you anything. It’s the reason I work out, it’s the reason I try to make myself better than my former self. I never compare myself to anyone because the only person I want to be better than is my old self. I try to push my own limits as much as possible to find new levels that I didn’t realize I could reach.
The best thing I learned as a child was that I will never be perfect. I will never be the best. It’s not bad to know because it makes you work that much harder to set the bar ever higher for yourself. I want to achieve because I want it, not because I’m trying to be better or more perfect than anyone else. Rome was once the most powerful city-state in the world then got lazy and collapsed. I don’t want to get lazy.
Sometimes I fail at pushing myself all the way, but I’m only human. Trying to completely eliminate laziness has proven to be like trying to hunt down Moby Dick. Bambi is a lot easier to catch than a whale, but in due time this may be gone too. Although it might be a good idea to go ahead and let the white whale go since you can’t always be 100%...
Monday, December 27, 2010
Monday, December 20, 2010
You're Mine Bambi
I never realized how many things I didn’t know about myself until someone started challenging me to think about it. I think being in the Middle East acted as a catalyst, causing me to look more into myself than I normally would have. But to have someone who continues to push me is so valuable.
I’ve always believed that if there is something you want to change about yourself you can as long as you put your mind to it. Once you have a desire to change, you start making steps toward that change and next thing you know you can’t remember a time you didn’t think that way. But the most difficult part is that first step. It’s like weight lifting. The first rep is always the hardest. Then you start getting into the rhythm and next thing you know you’ve lost count.
Studying myself has been something I’ve found to be very difficult. When I’m in the middle of thinking a certain way it’s difficult to pull away from the situation and analyze the reasoning behind it. Personally, I get a bit of tunnel vision, and the fact that I hate to change, even the way I’m thinking, doesn’t help my cause. But that first time you realize you’re doing something really stupid you start forcing yourself to notice and once you start seeing the same thought patterns over and over you realize that maybe it’s a problem.
Hello, my name is Jeff Fu and I have a problem. I can’t pin point the reasons why I think certain things. I don’t take the time to think about it and I don’t take the steps to stop those negative thoughts that cloud my mind. The coincidental convenience here is that this post is coming immediately after my Vitamin E post.
Hello, my name is Jeff Fu and I have seasonal depression. I don’t know why I have seasonal depression or if it really has anything to do with Vitamin E or for that matter if it really is seasonal. I don’t plan on taking the time to really figure it out. I’m just going to continue dealing with it when it comes up and not planning ahead to make sure those negative thoughts don’t lead me down a slippery slope.
How awesome is that? Not really awesome at all is it… Considering I usually think I’m cooler than dry ice. I also believe I’m extremely clever and I’d like to cite that dry ice comment as evidence. Anyway… So why not take steps to understand why I get depressed, actively analyze the situations that make me depressed and work to avoid those thoughts that accompany said situations. Well, that’s something I’ve been actively tracking down.
I feel like improving yourself mentally is like hunting. You have to sit and wait for those furry little thoughts to come into your cross hairs. You can’t make any loud noises, or big moves, or else they’ll run off and you have to wait for them to come back. Once you get them in focus you can steady your hand, take a deep breath and fire away. Hopefully you hit it, but more often than not you miss and you have to wait for it to come back and try again. The key is that you never quit, you hunt like your life depended on it. Having someone special with you doesn’t hurt either…
I’ve always believed that if there is something you want to change about yourself you can as long as you put your mind to it. Once you have a desire to change, you start making steps toward that change and next thing you know you can’t remember a time you didn’t think that way. But the most difficult part is that first step. It’s like weight lifting. The first rep is always the hardest. Then you start getting into the rhythm and next thing you know you’ve lost count.
Studying myself has been something I’ve found to be very difficult. When I’m in the middle of thinking a certain way it’s difficult to pull away from the situation and analyze the reasoning behind it. Personally, I get a bit of tunnel vision, and the fact that I hate to change, even the way I’m thinking, doesn’t help my cause. But that first time you realize you’re doing something really stupid you start forcing yourself to notice and once you start seeing the same thought patterns over and over you realize that maybe it’s a problem.
Hello, my name is Jeff Fu and I have a problem. I can’t pin point the reasons why I think certain things. I don’t take the time to think about it and I don’t take the steps to stop those negative thoughts that cloud my mind. The coincidental convenience here is that this post is coming immediately after my Vitamin E post.
Hello, my name is Jeff Fu and I have seasonal depression. I don’t know why I have seasonal depression or if it really has anything to do with Vitamin E or for that matter if it really is seasonal. I don’t plan on taking the time to really figure it out. I’m just going to continue dealing with it when it comes up and not planning ahead to make sure those negative thoughts don’t lead me down a slippery slope.
How awesome is that? Not really awesome at all is it… Considering I usually think I’m cooler than dry ice. I also believe I’m extremely clever and I’d like to cite that dry ice comment as evidence. Anyway… So why not take steps to understand why I get depressed, actively analyze the situations that make me depressed and work to avoid those thoughts that accompany said situations. Well, that’s something I’ve been actively tracking down.
I feel like improving yourself mentally is like hunting. You have to sit and wait for those furry little thoughts to come into your cross hairs. You can’t make any loud noises, or big moves, or else they’ll run off and you have to wait for them to come back. Once you get them in focus you can steady your hand, take a deep breath and fire away. Hopefully you hit it, but more often than not you miss and you have to wait for it to come back and try again. The key is that you never quit, you hunt like your life depended on it. Having someone special with you doesn’t hurt either…
Friday, December 10, 2010
Vitamin E
Is that the one you get from the sun that keeps you from getting all depressed in the winter time? Because that’s what I think I’m heavily deficient in. As much as I like the winter time, for all it’s snowy, cold, wonderousness I hate not seeing the sun. I blame daylight savings time for not giving me those critical few hours after work to bask in the glory of the all mighty provider of life to the little green organisms of our world. I’ve noticed this before in the past, oh so long ago… or was that just last year? You’d expect this to happen annually since winter comes every year.
I tend to eat more, want to take more naps and spend a lot more time at home being lame. Apparently, winter makes even the coolest people super lame. I tried going to the gym today, busted through about half of my workout before deciding that going through the last half was completely pointless. Actually in my defense I did ¾ of my workout, not just a half. I have good health to maintain after all, and a little sadness can’t stop that from happening. Imagine if I was one of those people who sprinted to the gym on January 3rd to work off that holiday weight gain, especially when I’m eating more anyway. Regardless of the need to stay in shape though, the gym didn’t help to make me feel any better.
On my way home I was thinking through things I could get to make myself a little more joyous but all I could come up with is a coffee, which I might still go out and get. But I doubt that’ll do anything. Maybe if I got like a Peppermint Caramel Mocha Latte instead of a black coffee I’d feel a little better, but I don’t know if I could live with myself. In the end I realized that what I needed to do is type a bunch of stuff and post it on my blog. That usually makes me feel better.
Sometimes I get a lot of negative things built up in my head and the only outlet I really like to use is my keyboard. It’s like each little key stroke is a little bit of sadness being absorbed through my fingers into my computer and after I’m done I usually feel a lot better. Most of the time this works, but there are times that it might not and I take that risk. I guess it’s not much of a risk since I like writing anyway.
You know what else makes me feel better? Mindlessly strumming my guitar, which I can’t play but I like the random noises it makes. String instruments have always had a special place in my heart, ever since I took violin lessons when I was younger. I guess it’s the same idea, the stress leaves my body through my fingers.
What if I combined my blog, with my guitar and a coffee? I think I’d be too happy to sleep tonight or would that just be the coffee? Tomorrow morning, if it’s not raining, I’m going to be running. Too bad, odds are, if it was supposed to rain the sun probably isn’t going to be anywhere in sight.
I should have been a bear…
I tend to eat more, want to take more naps and spend a lot more time at home being lame. Apparently, winter makes even the coolest people super lame. I tried going to the gym today, busted through about half of my workout before deciding that going through the last half was completely pointless. Actually in my defense I did ¾ of my workout, not just a half. I have good health to maintain after all, and a little sadness can’t stop that from happening. Imagine if I was one of those people who sprinted to the gym on January 3rd to work off that holiday weight gain, especially when I’m eating more anyway. Regardless of the need to stay in shape though, the gym didn’t help to make me feel any better.
On my way home I was thinking through things I could get to make myself a little more joyous but all I could come up with is a coffee, which I might still go out and get. But I doubt that’ll do anything. Maybe if I got like a Peppermint Caramel Mocha Latte instead of a black coffee I’d feel a little better, but I don’t know if I could live with myself. In the end I realized that what I needed to do is type a bunch of stuff and post it on my blog. That usually makes me feel better.
Sometimes I get a lot of negative things built up in my head and the only outlet I really like to use is my keyboard. It’s like each little key stroke is a little bit of sadness being absorbed through my fingers into my computer and after I’m done I usually feel a lot better. Most of the time this works, but there are times that it might not and I take that risk. I guess it’s not much of a risk since I like writing anyway.
You know what else makes me feel better? Mindlessly strumming my guitar, which I can’t play but I like the random noises it makes. String instruments have always had a special place in my heart, ever since I took violin lessons when I was younger. I guess it’s the same idea, the stress leaves my body through my fingers.
What if I combined my blog, with my guitar and a coffee? I think I’d be too happy to sleep tonight or would that just be the coffee? Tomorrow morning, if it’s not raining, I’m going to be running. Too bad, odds are, if it was supposed to rain the sun probably isn’t going to be anywhere in sight.
I should have been a bear…
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Maybe The Window's View Does Matter
One day you wake up and see that there’s a new blog post on my blog, whether through Google Reader or as a follower of my Twitter page, then you sit down for lunch and realize… It’s gone… What happened? Who knows? I do, because I deleted it. Yes, I deleted it for one reason or another. If you really care you can ask me, but do it in person or else I might not respond. Despite this, I did feel it necessary to post something...
Given the fact that I’m not entirely sure what I’m writing about this could turn out to be really good or really terrible. I’d vote for the latter since, like a dog, if I have something to bark at I’ll stop when it’s gone, if I’m just barking for barking’s sake then I’ll do it until I’m tired. Fear not, it’s late and I’ve been tired since I had a big New York Style Pizza. How did I know it was New York Style? Because they had a map of the NYC subway on their wall, that’s how! What am I talking about? I don’t know! Remember the dog analogy?
Eventually I’ll find something to bark at and you’ll start getting interested I assure you…
What’s odd is that this use to be so easy while I was deployed. I could sit down and hammer out thoughts like a prisoner working on the license plate line. Now it seems like I struggle to find stuff to write about. I guess it’s like my regular conversation with people I haven’t seen in a while, say a couple months.
Me: “Hey, how’s it going?”
Them: “Pretty good, you?”
Me: “Good, it’s been a long time. What have you been up to?”
Them: ”Working…you?”
Me: “Uh, working…”
Seriously? We both know that we’ve been doing more than just working in the past couple months. Actually, I remember one time I ran into someone I hadn’t seen since high school and asked that same question and got that response. I was like… It’s been 10 years and ALL you’ve been doing is working? Man... You should really rethink your strategy on life.
While I was deployed even those conversations seemed to go differently. Maybe, having death looming over you makes you really think about elements of life that you otherwise wouldn’t, either that or boredom forces your brain to entertain itself by focusing on various things other than TV or Internet. By the way, have you tried Hulu? You really should, I like to watch network news and cooking shows on it. I like to make TV come to me on my time…
I think I’ve fallen victim to the very thing that pushed me out to the Middle East in the first place, the search for adventure. I hunted it like Ahab hunted Moby Dick. Luckily my ship didn’t sink.
Instead I caught the whale, came home and realized that nothing had changed. Now I tell stories like grandpa about my days as a Scan Eagle operator, not quite a serviceman and not quite a pilot either… Just one bad ass dude, 3 computer monitors and a whole lot of video. You know what’s funny, I still have 3 computer monitors and I still watch a lot of video, I’ll leave you to judge my level of bad ass…
Given the fact that I’m not entirely sure what I’m writing about this could turn out to be really good or really terrible. I’d vote for the latter since, like a dog, if I have something to bark at I’ll stop when it’s gone, if I’m just barking for barking’s sake then I’ll do it until I’m tired. Fear not, it’s late and I’ve been tired since I had a big New York Style Pizza. How did I know it was New York Style? Because they had a map of the NYC subway on their wall, that’s how! What am I talking about? I don’t know! Remember the dog analogy?
Eventually I’ll find something to bark at and you’ll start getting interested I assure you…
What’s odd is that this use to be so easy while I was deployed. I could sit down and hammer out thoughts like a prisoner working on the license plate line. Now it seems like I struggle to find stuff to write about. I guess it’s like my regular conversation with people I haven’t seen in a while, say a couple months.
Me: “Hey, how’s it going?”
Them: “Pretty good, you?”
Me: “Good, it’s been a long time. What have you been up to?”
Them: ”Working…you?”
Me: “Uh, working…”
Seriously? We both know that we’ve been doing more than just working in the past couple months. Actually, I remember one time I ran into someone I hadn’t seen since high school and asked that same question and got that response. I was like… It’s been 10 years and ALL you’ve been doing is working? Man... You should really rethink your strategy on life.
While I was deployed even those conversations seemed to go differently. Maybe, having death looming over you makes you really think about elements of life that you otherwise wouldn’t, either that or boredom forces your brain to entertain itself by focusing on various things other than TV or Internet. By the way, have you tried Hulu? You really should, I like to watch network news and cooking shows on it. I like to make TV come to me on my time…
I think I’ve fallen victim to the very thing that pushed me out to the Middle East in the first place, the search for adventure. I hunted it like Ahab hunted Moby Dick. Luckily my ship didn’t sink.
Instead I caught the whale, came home and realized that nothing had changed. Now I tell stories like grandpa about my days as a Scan Eagle operator, not quite a serviceman and not quite a pilot either… Just one bad ass dude, 3 computer monitors and a whole lot of video. You know what’s funny, I still have 3 computer monitors and I still watch a lot of video, I’ll leave you to judge my level of bad ass…
Monday, December 6, 2010
Don’t Call It A Come Back
I’m an open book when it comes to blogging. If you ever meet me on the street you’ll struggle to pull any real personal information out unless you ask the right questions. I’ll get pretty superfluous when it comes to things like politics, work or any number of hobbies that I’ve acquired throughout the years, but as for real down and dirty life details I’m a closed book face-to-face.
Now, if you put a keyboard in front of me I pour my heart out to the masses. I guess that’s just my way of making myself available to anyone, anywhere at anytime. Thus, since I haven’t posted much of anything since my triumphant return from Iraq, I decided that it was about time to start recapping my week-to-week life as much as I possibly can. A quick one page update, as long as I’m diligent should sum up my thoughts and feelings about various things in the realms of my professional life and social life. A bit of narcissism never hurt anyone. (I don’t know about you, but I think I’m EXTREMELY interesting…;-))
I’ll try to keep my titles as descriptive as possible to the basic idea within the post to allow people a one stop shop to decide whether that post was worth reading. I know I talk about a lot of stupid stuff sometimes and even in type I can get pretty wordy. But I’ll try my best to keep things as concise as I believe they should be, which means I’m going to say 10 words when 1 is necessary. But atleast I won’t be one of those people who just posts some dumb link and says something pointless regarding it. That’s what Facebook walls are for…
As a start it would be fun to write out a biography about myself. I know most of the readers already know me, but in case a new comer happens by, it’ll be fun to read something about the writer.
I was born in May of 1981 in Saint Louis, MO where I currently reside. I went to high school at Oakville Senior High, in a middle class suburb of Saint Louis. There I met some of the best friends I’ve ever had and continue to spend a lot of time with.
After high school graduation I headed off to the University of Missouri – Columbia where I received my undergraduate degree in Computer Science. I didn’t know it at the time but that’s where I would be the girl that I’d ultimately fall in love with (You probably want more information…)
After Mizzou, I started working for a large company back home in Saint Louis. I’ve spent nearly 7 years here now, jumping from one position to another as each became less interesting.
In my time at the company I’ve traveled to Australia, Germany, France, Italy, the UK, Kuwait, Dubai, Afghanistan, Iraq and nearly every state in America. I’ve returned to school to school and received my MBA from Washington University in Saint Louis and most importantly have met a whole new set of wonderful friends.
Now, if you put a keyboard in front of me I pour my heart out to the masses. I guess that’s just my way of making myself available to anyone, anywhere at anytime. Thus, since I haven’t posted much of anything since my triumphant return from Iraq, I decided that it was about time to start recapping my week-to-week life as much as I possibly can. A quick one page update, as long as I’m diligent should sum up my thoughts and feelings about various things in the realms of my professional life and social life. A bit of narcissism never hurt anyone. (I don’t know about you, but I think I’m EXTREMELY interesting…;-))
I’ll try to keep my titles as descriptive as possible to the basic idea within the post to allow people a one stop shop to decide whether that post was worth reading. I know I talk about a lot of stupid stuff sometimes and even in type I can get pretty wordy. But I’ll try my best to keep things as concise as I believe they should be, which means I’m going to say 10 words when 1 is necessary. But atleast I won’t be one of those people who just posts some dumb link and says something pointless regarding it. That’s what Facebook walls are for…
As a start it would be fun to write out a biography about myself. I know most of the readers already know me, but in case a new comer happens by, it’ll be fun to read something about the writer.
I was born in May of 1981 in Saint Louis, MO where I currently reside. I went to high school at Oakville Senior High, in a middle class suburb of Saint Louis. There I met some of the best friends I’ve ever had and continue to spend a lot of time with.
After high school graduation I headed off to the University of Missouri – Columbia where I received my undergraduate degree in Computer Science. I didn’t know it at the time but that’s where I would be the girl that I’d ultimately fall in love with (You probably want more information…)
After Mizzou, I started working for a large company back home in Saint Louis. I’ve spent nearly 7 years here now, jumping from one position to another as each became less interesting.
In my time at the company I’ve traveled to Australia, Germany, France, Italy, the UK, Kuwait, Dubai, Afghanistan, Iraq and nearly every state in America. I’ve returned to school to school and received my MBA from Washington University in Saint Louis and most importantly have met a whole new set of wonderful friends.
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