I never realized how many things I didn’t know about myself until someone started challenging me to think about it. I think being in the Middle East acted as a catalyst, causing me to look more into myself than I normally would have. But to have someone who continues to push me is so valuable.
I’ve always believed that if there is something you want to change about yourself you can as long as you put your mind to it. Once you have a desire to change, you start making steps toward that change and next thing you know you can’t remember a time you didn’t think that way. But the most difficult part is that first step. It’s like weight lifting. The first rep is always the hardest. Then you start getting into the rhythm and next thing you know you’ve lost count.
Studying myself has been something I’ve found to be very difficult. When I’m in the middle of thinking a certain way it’s difficult to pull away from the situation and analyze the reasoning behind it. Personally, I get a bit of tunnel vision, and the fact that I hate to change, even the way I’m thinking, doesn’t help my cause. But that first time you realize you’re doing something really stupid you start forcing yourself to notice and once you start seeing the same thought patterns over and over you realize that maybe it’s a problem.
Hello, my name is Jeff Fu and I have a problem. I can’t pin point the reasons why I think certain things. I don’t take the time to think about it and I don’t take the steps to stop those negative thoughts that cloud my mind. The coincidental convenience here is that this post is coming immediately after my Vitamin E post.
Hello, my name is Jeff Fu and I have seasonal depression. I don’t know why I have seasonal depression or if it really has anything to do with Vitamin E or for that matter if it really is seasonal. I don’t plan on taking the time to really figure it out. I’m just going to continue dealing with it when it comes up and not planning ahead to make sure those negative thoughts don’t lead me down a slippery slope.
How awesome is that? Not really awesome at all is it… Considering I usually think I’m cooler than dry ice. I also believe I’m extremely clever and I’d like to cite that dry ice comment as evidence. Anyway… So why not take steps to understand why I get depressed, actively analyze the situations that make me depressed and work to avoid those thoughts that accompany said situations. Well, that’s something I’ve been actively tracking down.
I feel like improving yourself mentally is like hunting. You have to sit and wait for those furry little thoughts to come into your cross hairs. You can’t make any loud noises, or big moves, or else they’ll run off and you have to wait for them to come back. Once you get them in focus you can steady your hand, take a deep breath and fire away. Hopefully you hit it, but more often than not you miss and you have to wait for it to come back and try again. The key is that you never quit, you hunt like your life depended on it. Having someone special with you doesn’t hurt either…
I don't know...sounds like an awful lot of sitting around and thinking is going on in this post. Too much of that always depresses me - maybe that's the problem? No philosopher was ever happy, and I don't think that's a coicidence. Most of them were poor, too, which is also not a coincidence. Who knows why we do anything? It's a sinful world. People in general tend to be driven by vanity, jealousy, stubborness, greed, and a desire to avoid personal discomfort; and although those are kind of bad things, there's also a general desire to be "good". So you push for that and apologize for the rest - nobody's perfect. I wouldn't worry too much about why you do what you do - I've never known you to do anything terrible, so your underlying motivations are probably moot, so long as you're happy at the end of the day. And if you're unhappy, might I recommend a nice round of COD? That always cheers me right up :)
ReplyDeleteAlso, you are definately as cool as dry ice, and we should totally go out for lunch tomorrow.